The Other Side of the Dark Day

I’ve been stepping back lately. Just looking at myself.

And I can see it. Growth. I’ve always been open, but for about four or five years I was afraid of the world, and I’m finally shedding that. I’m not fully there. But I’m starting to trust myself, and I didn’t know if I’d get to say that.

I still have bad dark days. I’m not going to skip past that.

Here’s what I only just noticed: I never see the growth while I’m in it. In the dark place, it’s like none of it ever happened. So I do my due diligence, and I climb out.

My due diligence looks like talking to my safety people. Getting my favorite coffee. Treating myself to a meal. Basically taking myself on dates, and reminding myself why I do what I do.

And then, once I’m out, I turn around and look back and think: oh. Look at that. I did that.

Every time, it’s after. Never during.

I said something like this when I came back here, that I’m terrible at adapting in the moment and pretty good at it in hindsight. Apparently I’m still learning it. I guess that’s okay.

I’m so thankful for everything God has created for me. And I have dark days. Both of those are true at the same time, and I’m not going to make one cancel the other out.

What sets me off is unknown territory. That’s what makes me spiral. I know how that sounds from someone who named this place SKYUNKNOWN_. Maybe that’s why I did. I’m practicing the thing that scares me.

So today, on a day I can see it, I’m giving myself the credit.

I’m figuring it out.

LIFE IS UNKNOWN_